


Unfading

by Madara_Nycteris



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), F/M, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Post-Canon Fix-It, Russos' fic was cool but our imagination is far much better, Spoilers, Steggy - Freeform, Stucky - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 14:29:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18639994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madara_Nycteris/pseuds/Madara_Nycteris
Summary: “Steve. Love of my life. By now you should know this. There’s only one thing I fear more than losing you. I don’t want to live with you, knowing you love someone else.”Luckily, Steve always returned to his Bucky. Who said you can only have one happy ending?





	Unfading

_“Unfading: Adj. Not losing brightness, vitality, or strength.”_

The funeral had been all they expected for a hero. All of them were there, showing their condolences among sadness and pain, but beyond that, their utter respect for the man that had saved them. Their pride for Tony Stark’s features was as immense as their grief.

No one had seen so many heroes together before; their common mission had been accomplished, but all of them knew the world would need them. Fighting together. Always. The remaining avengers had held hands and promised to keep in touch for future missions, but then, when the necessary formalities had ended, only a strange emptiness remained among them. Only a hole that could be filled with a lethargic routine, but nothing existed. Specially for Steve Rogers.

Natasha… Tony. Steve had lost in just some hours two of his closest friends. Two of the persons who had welcomed to this era and gave him a new purpose weren’t there anymore. Those who followed him to war, and those who had fought against him once were gone. God! Nat didn’t even get a proper funeral. Steve wanted to cry. He wanted to scream, but more than that. He wanted to escape.

Steve Rogers didn’t lose just his friends. He had seen before his eyes the possibility of a normal life in his own time with a woman who had loved him. Peggy Carter would always be his best girl. He would admire her bravery and her passion, and nothing would change it. Like a mirage that he could never reach again, and it hurt him as much as the grief for his friends.

Life was restored in the whole universe, but not form him. Not completely. Eventually, another war, another enemy would come and he should march to death again, he thought, as he walked to the car that would take him and Bucky to their shared home.

Their place was a small chalet in the wood, not far from Tony’s home. Since avengers building had been destroyed, and Bucky’s home in Wakanda was just too far, Fury had arranged their stay. But now, only a delicate touch shook him out of his self-absorption. Those were Bucky’s warm fingers, intertwining between his.

Bucky. His beloved Bucky. No one understood him like Buck. The man he adored and for whom, Steve had fought a war against hundred nations and against his own friends. When his fascinating grey eyes looked at him he remembered it. He was worth of everything. Anything. How could he be thinking about someone else, having this beautiful creature by his side? Bucky was his everything, and for a second, he felt like a miserable and ungrateful fool.

Their way home was short and they walked through it still holding hands _“I’m here for you. I’ll always be”,_ Bucky seemed to say wordlessly, and before arriving the chalet Bucky sighed softly and reclined his head on Steve’s shoulder. They stood there for a minute at the doorframe in the middle of their deepest silence.

 **“I love you”** Bucky murmured out of nothing. His voice radiated warmth and a deep sadness against the soft sounds of the woods. Steve looked at him once again. He looked so thin and vulnerable. His eyes were surrounded by deep eye-bags, and he had been frightened and tired, but above all of it, he was unearthly beautiful.

For an instant, Steve thought about Bucky’s courage. He had been taken out of his very much needed retirement in Wakanda to fight a war, even when was still dealing with his own life, full of terrors. He noticed how Buck tried to look good for Steve when they met each other. Just like every time they did it before, and after a shocking battle that could have triggered any other man with Bucky’s experience, he fought at his best. He had even saved many lives, as Rocket said it to Steve once, and the brave Captain America had cried like a baby for hours that time. Bucky did it all of it just to die in front of him again.

Now, Bucky Barnes had followed him to the final battle without question, and had to endure without him the entire Stark’s funeral, knowing that he could have killed that man once. He must feel guilty and alone. Nat had been his friend too, and Bucky didn’t even have time to mourn her as Steve did. Steve had been so distracted by his own thoughts that didn’t even consider it. Only Sam and Wanda had been standing there with him the entire time.

Bucky was amazing. Was a pure, brilliant human being who had suffered so much, and yet, he was there, telling him how much he loved him despite their wounds and flaws. Steve was a famous hero. He had stood alone against Thanos’ army. He had lift Mjolnir in battle. He was held the power of a god, and yet, in that moment he realized it. As clear as he knew it in 1935. He wasn’t worth of Bucky.

They entered the house, and Bucky unpacked a bag with some food. There were fruits and some other groceries. They barely ate in silence.

 **“Bucky… You don’t know how happy I’m to have you back.”** Steve declared suddenly after their meal **“I… I need to tell you this, Buck”.**

The former soldier just reached out, taking Steve’s hands on his own, across the table **“I know that for you, only passed some seconds, but not for me. When you went, I was devastated. I took your ashes and buried them with your family. I kissed them one last time and that day I just wanted to lay with you and rest forever in your embrace. I failed you and I just wanted to die, but then, we found Thanos and defeated him.** ” Steve grimaced   **“As you know, it wasn’t enough. For five years I imagined day after day how could be it to be with you again. Hearing your voice. Holding you. Kissing you, but a part of me knew it was just a dream.”** By now, Steve was already sobbing, softly **“But then you’re here again, and all of this is just… just too much.”**

Bucky’s lips trembled almost imperceptibly when he stood up next to Steve and made him leave his seat. He held his only love in his arms, hoping this time nothing took them apart. Anyway, he was sure those were only false hopes.

After they left the table, Bucky guided them to their bed. Their whole lives, they had shared a bed for all imaginable purposes, and this time, they didn’t even undressed. Just cuddling each other in their arms, relishing in their mere presence.

Steve sank his nose into Bucky’s hair. It was exactly the same he kissed in Bucky’s hut in Wakanda. He sighed, deeply tired.

Bucky tried a kiss on Steve’s lips. Those were dry and a bit chapped. The gesture was shy and soft. A reminder of his feelings more than anything else, and Steve corresponded. Slow and sweet. He captured Bucky in his arms gently and in love, but clearly struggling to keep calm.

 **“What’s wrong, my love?”** Bucky almost whispered against his beloved’s ear “We’ve just come back from death, and I know you love me so very much, but you’re distant”

 I have you back, and I don’t want to ruin it. I wanna to love you more than anything, but I’m afraid, honey. I realized about something I believed forgotten.

Bucky just nodded. For five years, his only one had trying to deal with his failure against Thanos, with his loneliness and guilt but somehow, Bucky knew this was different. Not even the fire of an upcoming battle had shot down Steve’s internal fire like this. Hours before fighting Red Skull, Zemo and Thanos, Captain America had dragged him to the nearest private place and had taken him to heaven over and over again.

 **“You can tell me Steve. Anything at all.”** Bucky was deadly serious

 **“It’s something about the past. I… saw Peggy again.”** Bucky still heard in silence.

**“She was like 50. Still a beauty. She’s got my photo on her desk”**

**“Did you get together during your travel?”** Buck sounded like trying to plan a complicated mission.

“ **No. Buck. I wouldn’t cheat on you”**

**“You should go with her”**

An ostensible _“What?!”_ got trapped into Steve’s throat. Was Bucky even suggesting…?

**“Buck… No”**

**“You wouldn’t have told me if you wouldn’t still feel something about her. Don’t you, Rogers?” Bucky looked hurt, but utterly decided to go on. “Tomorrow, you’ll travel again to the past, and you’ve thought about going back to her. Am I right?”**

**“Me and you, we’re together now, Buck. I can’t deny I will always love her, but I can’t do this, not to you”**

**“Steve. Love of my life. By now you should know this. There’s only one thing I fear more than losing you. I don’t want to live with you, knowing you love someone else.”** Steve was sure he would never stop adoring the man who laid in his arms.

**“I don’t know what to say. I need to do this, but I can’t stop feeling I’ll be betraying you."**

**“You’ll never lose me. Not really.” I don’t know if it was real, but when I was vanishing after our first battle against Thanos, all I could think about was you. I’ll never forget your eyes looking at me. I needed to reach out and tell you that I would be ok. All that mattered was you, your happiness and your life. If I cannot have it, I don’t want this second chance. Go. Fulfill your promise and then return to me before I change my mind, punk. But tonight, hug me as if your life depended on it”** Bucky hoped that Steve couldn’t feel his heart trembling in fear against his chest.

Once, Brock Rumlow had described the Winter Soldier as a Tragic Beauty dressed in black, and anyone who looked at him next morning could totally agree with him. The mission would be simple, and they only needed five seconds, but Bucky knew it. He knew his heart was about to break. When Sam completed all the preparations, they knew it was time.

 **“I’m gonna miss you so much”** Was all that Bucky could say. He has to make a supreme effort to avoid crumbling right in front of Steve and begging him to stay, to promise he could be everything that Steve needed. He would do everything to make him happy. But he didn’t.

 **“It’s gonna be ok, Buck”** No. It was not going to be ok. Not even close. Steve was going on a dangerous mission without his Bucky to take care of him. He was going back to a place where he could not follow that brat. And more than that; he was abandoning him. He was running to someone else’s arms and Bucky felt something inside of him shattering. But, against all ods, there was something more. He was deeply happy for Steve.

**“Don’t do anything stupid until I get back”**

**“How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you”**

The phrase meant so much for them… So much. Right before leaving, Steve was nervous. Bucky could tell. He knew Steve’s reactions by heart, and all that could do was holding him in his arms for thelast time.

A flash of light and the five longest seconds in Bucky’s life.

The risk was great, and the mission needed to be done. Steve needed to be alive. The remnants of Bucky’s heart shivered when the machine stopped.

 _“He won’t come back… He won’t”_ Bucky thought, even when a tiny part of him prayed to god for him to be fine.

_“He abandoned me. He abandoned me”_

His worst fears, materialized in front of him. Well. Steve was fine. He was alive, and Bucky thanked the old gods and the new gods for that. However, the man on the bench was all he needed to see. He has left him alone. Steve went and had a life without him. He got a beautiful house and a pretty wife. Bucky would be just a memory of his glorious past. A relic, and nothing more.

Bucky couldn’t still approach him. He saw his lightly crooked back, and his white hair. For a second, his ruined heart drown in envy and jealous. He knew that Margaret Carter was an amazing woman who had seen through Steve’s disabilities and truly loved that selfish punk. Surely, she had made Steve happy. Silently, Bucky thanked to her. And he hated her anyway.

When Sam seated next to him, Steve looked relaxed and truly satisfied. His still bright blue eyes found the silver ones of Bucky, and asked for approval to his last decision as captain America. Bucky just nodded. Somehow, he already knew it. He was proud of Steve. So proud that he could cry. Steve conceded the shield to Sam. Definitively, his best choice ever. Bucky smiled through a stream of tears that started rolling on his cheeks.

He couldn’t let that Steve looked at him like this, so full of pain. Sam –the new Captain America- was still talking to Steve, elated and honored when Bucky retreated silently. Steve was not his anymore. A wedding ring in his hand was enough proof of it.

The man who had been known once as the Winter Soldier was alone again. Steve chose someone else above him. And why not? He was not as beautiful or strong as the stunning Agent Carter, he thought as he walked through the border of the river. His own reflection seemed to confirm it. His legs started moving incredibly faster, and before he could even realize it, he was at the cabin again. He didn’t even close the door. Just slid himself on the wooden floor, resting his head between his knees and cried for hours his solitude. His absolute desperation.

**“Buck?”**

He shook his head. He hated to be seen like this. So miserable.

**“Go away.”**

He didn’t need this. There was a fire inside him that no sweet words could heal. Steve had left him behind, reminding him his own insignificance. Bucky was about to cry, to scream irrationally at Steve when he felt two massive arms holding him from behind. He tried to shake him off. He wanted to run and forget everything. Of course he had suggested this to Steve, but he was not prepared to see his only love fading, getting old and dying. Not without him by his side.

Still seated on the floor, Bucky squeezed his eyes. He was surrounded by Steve. An old man with a different life. _“Well”_. He thought. _“This is really ironic. Probably, this is how Steve felt all the time after our first separation. I had a life – A horrible one- as the Asset, while he was sleeping into a block of ice.”_

 **“It’s ok, Steve. We discussed it. You deserved a life. I get it.”** He sobbed.

 **“Yes, but you deserve one too. You deserve much more than that”** Steve’s voice was not like the sound he had heard just some minutes ago with Sam. It was fresh and strong. It was the vibrant sound that always made him shiver. Frightened, Bucky Barnes turned around and looked at the love of his life.

**“Wha…What the hell? Steve?... What happened?”**

**“I fulfilled my promise, and then I returned to you”** A young and radiant Steve Rogers answered, looking at him. Smiling at him. Still holding him. The guy even looked like he did during his first battle against Thanos.

 **“But you were an old man. I saw you!”** Bucky stuttered. **“How… How did you do this?!”**

**“The Einstein-Podolsky-Rosen paradox. You weren’t there, but during our first experiments, we tried to send Scott to past, and instead, time was pushed through him. He returned as an old man, and then, as a baby. Bruce told us how to do this. Anyway, it would be impossible without enough Pym particles.”**

**“But… those things. You can’t buy them in a fucking store. Where..?”**

**“My first time travel. I took enough of them from SHIELD office. No one knew it. Without them I would remained old, but luckily, we have amazing friends.”** Steve leaned his head a bit over Bucky’s neck **“I missed you so much, Buck”** murmured, just for him.

 **“Me too. Despite we were separated few seconds, I knew you were out there living a life, and I was not with you anymore. For me, if was an eternity. And you… You even got married”** Bucky lowered his gaze, trying to sound strong.

**“Peggy knew about us during the war, and when I went back to her, she never sopped telling me about how great you were. How she wanted for you to have another chance.”**

**“Did you… tell her?”** Bucky asked, full of doubt.

**“Everything. You know? She was great. She truly understood, and she was aware I was with her with your full permission. She loved me with all her heart, and those five seconds were wonderful to me. I had a great life, but I missed you through every moment. I understood that I wanted a life with her, but my existence would never be complete like that. Not without you”**

Steve looked so different. The sorrow had gone. He had found a way to repair his mistakes. He lived free from war, and beyond that, he was finally free of his past

Steve’s voice turned a bit melancholic, but still satisfied **“In my timeline, she passed away some weeks ago, and the night before leaving, she gave me this. Is for you”** Steve took out of his ugly sweater a small box.

Bucky furrowed when he saw it. It was letter, written in a delicate calligraphy. The characters were precise and firm. _Just like her._ Bucky started reading.

_“Bucky, My dear._

_I know this letter will not sooth your heart. You have lost him for a long time, and this new live with me, this opportunity will certainly be painful to you. I understand it. From the very first moment that Steve returned after he sank the Valkirie in the ocean, I knew he was not the same man we used to know during war. There was so much pain and grief in his eyes, and I did my best to make him happy. We certainly had a precious life together and no matter what, I will never be grateful enough to you. Not only because you have been always by his side. Not only because even now, after sixty years, he still draws your face every day. He talks about you as if you were with him. But because of this. I think he does not know that I am aware of it. I know you made him return to me. It was your idea, and I love you for it. I will always do. With all my heart, thanks, Bucky._

_Now, it is your turn. When I leave, Steve will be free of this past, and he will be the opportunity to have a second life with you, this time.  We have talked a lot, and let me tell you a secret. He is very excited about seeing you again._

_I am so happy to know you will be waiting for him, with all your ending devotion. Please, take care of Steve. I do not need to tell you, but this man, the one we love is a dumbass. He would throw himself in front of a train to do the right thing. I beg you, never let him alone, and take this opportunity as I did once, but more than this, please, relish this love of his, sweet and unfading as your image in his eyes._

_Love_

_Peggy.”_

Bucky had cried so much that day, but some tears more rolled through his cheeks as he folded the paper again, and in the bottom of the box, he found something else. It was a wedding ring. Solid and golden like Steve. As he remembered, it was just too large for Peggy’s dainty fingers, and Steve was still wearing his. Inside of it, Bucky read _“Steven Grant Rogers, 2019 till the end of the line”_

**“Pegg ordered to be made for you when we got married. She made me promise to give it to you once our time together finished”**

She knew. Oh, God, All this time, she had known. She made Steve a better man, and then, she returned Steve to his only other love. His Bucky.

 ** _“Thank you, Agent Carter… Thank you, Peggy”_** Bucky murmured before kissing Steve’s fresh and soft lips. Their kiss was a sweet promise. A very needed welcome. A second life was waiting for them, and nothing would stop them to live it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments are love! 
> 
> RUSSOS' FANFIC WAS COOL, BUT NOW IT'S OUR TURN.  
> Hope you like this story (I'm still thinking about adding a more spicy epilogue).  
> Polite comments and suggestions are always well received!!


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